If you’re the parent of a child old enough to operate a smartphone or computer, you have probably heard of Minecraft. It’s the third-best-selling video game of all time, and it has become a popular pastime for millions of kids. As a family therapist, I have met more than a few parents who wonder if Minecraft is a waste of their child’s time. If you are wondering the same thing, I will tell you what I tell them: You know all those important life skills you’re always trying to figure out how to teach your kid? Well, Minecraft is teaching quite a few of them for you. For instance:

• Creativity. Minecraft isn’t like other games that tell a player how to play or hold their hand through a linear experience. It presents a world with complex rules and a large set of tools one can use to manipulate that world. Your child is learning the rules, mastering the tools, and using them to build whatever their imagination can dream up.
• Planning and Patience. Gathering resources and building structures in Minecraft is time consuming work. Your child is learning to plan complex projects and make incremental progress towards long term goals. There is no instant gratification in Minecraft.
• Resource Management. “Crafting” items using gathered resources is a major part of Minecraft, and those resources can take a lot of work to gather. Your child is performing a cost-benefit analysis every time they make a choice about whether to spend those resources on an item now or to save them for a better item down the road.
• Organization. Your child has likely developed an organizational scheme for the hundreds of resources and items they have collected and made in the game. Without organization, it would be nigh on impossible for your child to keep track of it all and find what they need at any given moment.
• Social problem solving. If your child is playing multiplayer Minecraft with friends, they are learning how to work with others towards a common goal.
• Research skills. Want to know how to craft a bookshelf or operate a minecart with an on/off switch? The answers aren’t in the game. To figure out how to do most things in Minecraft, your child is having to perform honest-to-goodness research. There are Wiki pages, published guidebooks, internet forums, YouTube videos, and more. Your child is learning important lessons about evaluating the reliability of sources by comparing information gathered from each.
• Computer programming skills. Minecraft has an element called redstone that can be manipulated to operate in the same way as a real life simple circuit. These circuits can be combined into arrays to accomplish all kinds of tasks. Your kid can even combine these circuits (using the same principles that apply in the real world) to build a working computer within the world of Minecraft, with its own virtual memory and capable of performing simple functions.

So parents, please believe me that Minecraft is nothing to be afraid of. It’s like Lego for the new generation, except it’s more complex, less expensive, and less painful to step on. Some caveats apply, of course. Video games can be addictive, and if your child is neglecting important areas of their life because of too much time with the game, that’s a problem. As with anything, set clear boundaries to limit the time they play. In the meantime, ask them to show you around their Minecraft world—you might be impressed by what your child has learned to do.

The post Is Minecraft Bad for My Child? first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

http://thefamilydinnerproject.org/

The post Family Dinner! first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

The following article, by our own Sarah Buehner, MSW, LCSW, appears in the NASW  (National Association of Social Workers) Summer 2015 Newsletter.

Sarah earned her MSW from the Brown School of Social Work at Washington University and holds her LCSW in the state of Missouri. Here at LFCS, Sarah provides school-based counseling services to teens in St. Louis.  She can be contacted at SarahB@lfcs.org

The 2014 events in Ferguson, Missouri, have been a catalyst for our country to closely examine the relationship between law enforcement and the communities they serve, and as with any significant event, emotions have run high—throughout our nation—as we all struggle with how to move
forward. A lot of work must be done to ensure that minorities and people of color are not systematically discriminated against in our law enforcement and criminal justice systems; it may even take a long time for minorities and people of color to build trust in law enforcement.

Throughout the United States, many people are angry at law enforcement, and officers have at times become the targets of this anger. As the wife of a law enforcement officer and as a social worker, I am also keenly aware of the toll that Ferguson and recent related events have taken on police families. The daily life of a police family is constantly hectic, stressful, and unpredictable, as officers often work long, erratic hours and come come stressed and exhausted. As with other first responders, police officers are frequently exposed to potentially life-threatening and traumatic situations; as social workers, we are well aware of the effects that trauma can have on families and children. For police officers, even a minor traffic stop triggers a limbic fight-or-flight response, as that officer has no idea if the person they pulled over is angry, hostile, or carrying a weapon.

According to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund, (www.nleomf.org) between 2008 and 2014, close to 1,000 law enforcement officers have lost their lives while on duty in the United States. When my husband leaves for work, the thought crosses my mind that he might not come home.  Life post-Ferguson has exacerbated this stress for police families. Even more than before, officers are on “high alert,” a condition that impacts the daily life and stress levels of police families and children.

Children of law enforcement have also become targets of anger and bullying by peers at school, or they may be acting out as a result of absorbing trauma and stress from the family system.  Spouses and family members may also feel angry, anxious, and afraid that their loved one will not make it home from work. Police spouses often feel overburdened with home responsibilities and child rearing, as the schedule of a police officer is often erratic and unpredictable. Add all of these factors together with stress and trauma, and it is no wonder that police families have such a high divorce rate.  As police officers and other law enforcement officials are a part of every community we serve, we, as social workers, undoubtedly will interact with police officers, their children, spouses, or other loved ones.

From my experience as a clinical social worker and police wife, I have a few suggestions for how social workers can help these children and family members as they deal with the stress, trauma, and other effects of being part of a police family.

BACK TO BASICS:
• Active Listening 101: Listen, validate, reflect. Modeling active listening can also teach police families healthy ways to communicate.

• Empathy: A lot of criticism is being directed at police and law enforcement right now (and in many cases, rightly so), and it can be harder to empathize and humanize with others who are in the hot seat. Along with the criticism and challenges, police and law enforcement are still exposed to high levels of trauma and stress, and police families still feel the effects. Empathy is such a healing force—there is so much power in feeling heard and understood.

FOR SPOUSES AND ADULT FAMILY MEMBERS:
• Teach the importance of selfcare, and help the family member find a way to prioritize it as well as balance it with other responsibilities.  Self-care is an investment in the family—by taking care of ourselves, we are better able to care for others.

• Educate about trauma, stress, and the limbic response, and how to manage these symptoms through self-care and healthy lifestyle choices.

• Educate about the ways kids and family members may be affected by their officer’s trauma and stress, and how the family member can help the family cope through positive communication and prioritizing quality time as a family.

• Help the family member understand the importance of having a support system and how seeking support from family, peers, or the local  Police Wives’ Association can help.

• Help the family member build a support system, if desired.

• Educate about counseling—as with the military, there is a stigma associated with counseling in the law enforcement community. Focus on destigmatizing counseling, and show how helpful it can be for individuals, families, and couples.

• Not in front of the kids! Encourage family members to set boundaries with what children/teens are exposed to. Law enforcement officers may “vent” about their day to family or a partner, but often kids (even teens) are not able to process some of the traumatic events that the officer has experienced. Limiting this exposure may also limit the child’s acting out behaviors or anxieties.

• Limit exposure to “triggers,” like the news or violent TV shows.

• If an adult is harassed for being related to law enforcement, coach him or her on how to de-escalate a situation. Encourage him or her to focus on safety, not defending their family member. Help him or her understand that verbal or physical arguments rarely solve a conflict.

• If someone harasses or bullies a child, coach the family member on healthy ways to talk with the child/teen to process the situation, and remind the child of the importance of safety. Validate for the child/teen that many people are angry and frustrated currently, and they aren’t sure how to process or respond to these feelings.  Emphasize that fighting verbally or physically will not solve the problem; it only increases the conflict.

• If a child is acting out, educate the parent or caregiver on how children respond to family stress and/or trauma.  Reframe this “acting out” as an opportunity to help the child, as children who act out often lack the skills to manage their emotions. Encourage the parent/caregiver to seek ongoing counseling or support for helping the child to learn healthier ways to cope.

• Remember to be age appropriate. What you say to a 3-year-old will be very different than what you say to a 12-year-old—and even more different than what you say to a 16-year-old. A lot of people try to “shield” their children from talking about Ferguson or police-related topics, but this rarely works.  Even my 3-year-old hears about police officers at school or from adults she is around, and when the riots in Ferguson happened, she was asking about “daddy helping with the fires.” Be age appropriate but give children a safe space to talk, share their perspectives, and ask questions.

• Middle or high school students are old enough to learn about trauma, stress, and the limbic response.  Help them learn about how their body and mind react to these things and what they can do about it.

• Kids need support, too. You can help a child/teen learn about the importance of support.

• Teach about SELF-CARE!!!  Kids need positive activities to manage their emotions and stress as well.

• Talk with kids about any bullying or harassment they may have experienced for having a police parent.  Process with that child how they responded, and coach him or her on conflict resolution and staying safe.

• Assess for hobbies/extracurricular activities to help the child manage stress and have an outlet where they don’t have to worry about mom, dad, or any stresses at home.

• Teach kids about asking for help, and destigmatize counseling in order to minimize barriers to asking for help later, if needed.

The post Supporting Family & Children of Law Enforcement Officers first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

The post Portraits of Grace: Older Children Needing Forever Homes first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

“I remember the first time I heard about LFCS.  I was literally homeless.  It was me and my 5 year old son at the time and my daughter whom at the time was still in a carseat.  I didn’t have a place to live.  I was living from hotel to hotel.  I came into LFCS and met my social worker.  She was so sweet, kind, caring and understanding of my situation.

She began helping us by reaching out to shelters and finally got us a room at the Salvation Army.  Then it didn’t stop there.  She provided us with bus passes, transportation, and hope that we would soon find a place of our own.  She not only helped me get a 3 bedroom apartment but she provided clothes, diapers, bus passes, and eventually things I needed for our apartment.

Without my worker and the help of LFCS, I don’t think I would be where I am today.  Thank God for such a wonderful person and a great establishment.  I love this place and I hope that more families can be helped and experience the joy and help I have experienced.

Sincerely, Cammie”

Are you pregnant and in a tough spot? LFCS’ Pregnancy, Parenting, and Adoption Services are here to help you! LFCS is available to offer case management services to you whether you are planning to parent or make an adoption plan. Either way, we will be by your side to help you prepare and make decisions for you and your family.  Pregnancy can be scary, but you are not alone!  

The post Cammie’s Story: Homeless, Unemployed, Parenting and Pregnant first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Sometimes the adoption process can feel like a hurry up and wait process.  During the home study process your time is filled with paperwork, interviews, paperwork, home visits, training and more paperwork.  There are so many things to keep your time busy that you don’t have time to focus on the excitement, fears and anticipation.  Then the approval is given and you are now able to move forward.  You’re so excited you can barely stand it.  For a few adoptive families placement happens quickly and their waiting period is short, but for most adoptive parents, the waiting has just begun.  This is a difficult time for many families.  I have had multiple couples ask me at their approval, “Now what do I do?”

Here are a few suggestions:

Register or set up a nursery

Search out children’s books about adoption you want to have in your home

Read the book Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother or other adoption related books that are of interest to you

Find an adoption support group

Seek out other adoptive parents

Seek out additional training or research
It is also important to do things that do not focus on the adoption.  You are still “you” and you should to continue to be who you are.
Here are some more ideas:

Go on a vacation (all future vacations will not be the same!)

Garden, read a book, crochet, scrapbook, train for a race, join a work out group, or a book club or any other hobby (with the understanding that once a baby comes, these hobbies may be put back on the back burner)

Finish a home remodeling project

Journal
Most of all: PRAY.  God ultimately knows what is perfect for you and He will accomplish it in His timing.  Allow this time to be a time period that He grows you and your marriage.  Surround yourselves with supportive friends who will encourage you and hold you up in prayer.  If the waiting gets to be overwhelming, always seek out your adoption worker and discuss your fears, concerns or anxiety.  LFCS is here for you.

The post Adoption: Feels like a lot of hurry up and wait first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

So, what can you say to encourage healthy eating habits?  Avoid any mention of weight, size or shape.  Instead, focus on health, strength and growth.  And talk about improving the whole family’s health instead of singling out one individual.

Also, Berge recommends that parents try to invest time in preparing and eating ‘family meals’ together.  Serve healthy foods during those meals.  Regular family meals, even two to three times per week, have been shown to reduce the risk of weight struggles for kids, even into adulthood.

The post How should you talk to your kids about weight? first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Last week I posted a blog on First Time Parents:  Moms.  Here’s another one with tips for first time dads!

• Thankfully, children do not come full grown! They grow one step at a time. “You have time to learn and time to make mistakes.” (9 Tips for New Fathers)
• You are a team. “Whatever your circumstances are, remember to value your role as a father and be as involved as you can, right from day one.
• Your child and your partner need you in lots of different ways. Your time and help will contribute greatly to your relationships with both of them. “(Becoming a Parent).
• Don’t try to do too much in one day.  You need extra time to do everything once you have a baby.
• Be sure to communicate well with your spouse. Ask her what she needs from you and how she feels. Share with her your feelings and needs too.
• This is a helpful video…
  • http://peaceinyourhome.com/role-of-the-father-in-newborns-life/
• …and this a sweet video about being a dad.J
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bt1cXw3Gf2A

References:

• http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-vandijk/new-dad-tips_b_3436693.html
• http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/ten-suggestions-for-new-dads
• http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/ask-heidi/tips-for-a-first-time-dad.aspx
• http://www.health.wa.gov.au/docreg/education/population/womens_health/HP011310_becoming_a_parent_booklet.pdf

The post First Time Parents Part 2: Dads first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

We have talked to friends who are already parents and thankfully, honest about the various thoughts and emotions they have experienced as well as reading some of the many resources available to first time parents.

Here are a few things I found helpful for first time moms. (The second post will be on helpful tips for first time dads.)

• “If motherhood is not what you expected, it is easy to blame yourself or believe motherhood is not for you. However, it is important to remember that no one is perfect. Motherhood is an enormously challenging job!” (Becoming a Parent). From various articles I have read it seems common for first time mom’s to fear they are “doing it all wrong” when their child is not responding how they expect.
• Ask for and accept help. Important advice for those of us who think we need to be independent.
• Avoid comparing your child with other children. It is a temptation in life in general to compare our lives with others. It’s important to remember each child is unique. Some children are more difficult to settle than others.
• Avoid multitasking as much as possible. Being present with your child is a frequent suggestion I’ve read due to how quickly the child grows up, and much more important than keeping up on household tasks.
• Sleep when your baby sleeps and try to accept the reality of feeling tired rather than being angry about being tired.
• Trust your instinct when it comes to caring for your child. Avoid overanalyzing and obsessing about what you read online.
• Finally, here is a video I found with great tips! Warning, it’s a tearjerker.
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taDqKWWPDAY#t=88

References:

• http://www.scarymommy.com/first-time-mom-mistakes/
• http://www.babycenter.com/0_parents-say-how-to-care-for-a-newborn-baby_9791.bc?showAll=true
• http://blogs.brighthorizons.com/familyroom/tips-for-a-first-time-parent-from-the-family-room-blog-team/
• http://www.health.wa.gov.au/docreg/education/population/womens_health/HP011310_becoming_a_parent_booklet.pdf

The post First Time Parents Part 1: Moms first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

One bite at a time!

5 Reasons You’ll Want to Set Up Monthly Giving

1. It’s easier.  People often find they can make a bigger impact by consistently donating in bite sizes that fit their monthly budget.  And as a bonus, you can set it up once and won’t have to think about it again!

2. It’s cheaper.  You’ll avoid wasting checks, envelopes, and postage by using the program.

3. You can plan.  It is the same every month — a line in your budget that doesn’t change until you tell it to.

4. It goes farther.  More resources can be focused directly on the life-changing programs for families in need, and less on raising the necessary funds.

5. You’ll be a hero.  Every month. You will be making a difference to children every month of the year. No matter how much you choose to give.

There are two ways to set up your recurring gift:

1.  Set up your recurring gift online by using your PayPal account OR with your credit card.

2.  Set up your recurring gift safely and securely from your bank account.

Get a start on that elephant.
Sign up for Monthly Giving today!

The post How do you eat an elephant? first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.