Samantha and Drew are just 20-years old. They met shortly after graduating high school and married before turning 19. To most, their odds at a happy and successful life together seemed unlikely for so many reasons.

Neither had been raised with much love or stability. Drew spent much of his childhood alone; his father a single dad who preferred to throw punches and insults rather than support his son. Likewise, Samantha rarely felt loved. Her stepfather abused her for as long as she could remember and when she finally had the courage to speak up, Samantha’s mother refused to believe her.

Children who are victims of domestic violence are 3 times more likely to repeat the cycle in adulthood, as growing up with domestic violence is the most significant predictor of whether or not someone will be engaged in domestic violence later in life.

UNICEF. “Behind Closed Doors”

Before making the choice to marry, Samantha and Drew committed to ending the cycle of abuse. They vowed to be better parents for the children they would raise. They found the support they needed to be successful through LFCS.

When they began receiving services, Mariah was just three-weeks old. Samantha was staying home, forced to quit her part-time job to care for their daughter. Drew was also unemployed following a near-fatal car accident five months prior to Mariah’s birth. He needed multiple surgeries to repair his injuries and was unable to work as a result. While struggling with the realities of life, Samantha and Drew sought help.

LFCS was able to provide parenting education for both Drew and Samantha to reduce the risk of abuse and neglect for Mariah. Drew was connected with the local Career Center to assist with his resume and job search following his recovery. Samantha received support and guidance as she explored job training opportunities and daycare recommendations for Mariah when classes began.

Today Samantha is ready to apply for a medical assistant program and Drew is working full-time in manufacturing. Their marriage is strong and they are proud to be loving parents to their sweet little girl.

Click here to read more about LFCS Parenting Services and all the ways in which we aim to end the cycle of abuse through education and counseling.

The post Love Wins for Baby Mariah first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Patrice was told of Bentley’s experience and injuries and she knew she could help. As a foster parent for more than 20 years, she had cared for children with special needs before. Bentley was placed in her care and his journey to recovery began.

Patrice refused to accept the doctors’ predictions. She found therapies to address his delays and spent countless hours addressing his needs. In just two years, Bentley made huge strides. He was able to sit up on his own, was learning to communicate and could even smile when he was happy. It was time for him to have a forever home.

A family interested in adopting through foster care had been working with LFCS and was told about Bentley. They agreed to meet with him and Patrice. They fell in love with this sweet little boy and soon made plans to adopt him.

Although forever scarred by the abuse, Bentley is now thriving because of the love he is shown.

Twice a year, LFCS provides Elevated Needs Training for foster parents. This and other available trainings prepare foster parents to care for children with special needs and, ultimately, reduce the risk of abuse. For questions about upcoming Foster Parent Training opportunities, contact Lisa.

The post Promise of Safety – Recovering from Abuse first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Here are some tips from psychologists.

It’s Normal to Be Concerned. Youngsters who have heard or seen news reports about disturbing events may be reluctant to return to the classroom and other public spaces. Moms and dads may even feel anxious about dropping their kids off at day care or school, after hearing about tragedies that happen to children. “Parents are following instincts to be alarmed and to be fearful,” says nationally certified school psychologist Eric Rossen, Ph.D. But Rossen stresses that we need to remember these are isolated incidents. “It’s important to continue to remember that this is such a rare event, statistically and objectively speaking. It’s hard to bear because it’s so rare.”

Take a News Break. While you may be interested in watching twenty-four-hour news for all the latest developments, your children may not be able to handle that. The American Psychological Association recommends limiting the amount of time spent watching news reports, as constant exposure may actually heighten their anxiety and fears.

Answer Kids’ Questions – Without Giving Them Unnecessary Details. Even if you limit news exposure in your home, chances are your kids may hear details—accurate or not—on the playground. When they return to school after a national tragedy, it’s a good idea to ask what they’ve heard.

“A lot of times, children misunderstand what’s happening,” says Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., author of “Smart Parenting for Smart Kids.” “For example, if they saw a picture of men carrying guns, it looked like there was a lot of them. Let them know the gunman is not in our backyard. This is not something that’s happening at many different schools.”

And if kids have questions, Rossen says the key is to answer—not avoid—them without giving too much information. For example, you might explain the Connecticut shootings to a school-age child like this: “Someone went into a school and they hurt a lot of people. But we know that your school is safe, and you’re safe in your home.”

Maintain a Regular Schedule. While it may be tempting to keep your kids close to your side after a devastating event, child psychologists agree that sticking to a regular routine helps kids to get past their distress. “By bringing our children to school, we are communicating a very important message about courage and resilience, about going on despite terrible things that happen,” says Kennedy-Moore. For preschoolers, talk them through their day using very concrete examples, such as, “You’re going to be with Mrs. Smith, and she’s going to be in charge of you. Daddy’s going to get back at lunch, and we’ll go to the playground.”

Pay Extra Attention to Your Kids. When you are at home with your children, make sure to be engaged with them. The National Association of School Psychologists recommends that parents focus on their children during the week following a tragedy, including spending some extra time reading or playing with kids before bed, to foster a sense of closeness and security.

Model Confidence and Assurance. Don’t forget that you are your child’s role model during times of stress. Kennedy-Moore explains, “Children look to their parents to see how scared they should be.” Of course, if you are feeling anxious, make time to address your own needs, such as talking to friends or family or seeking guidance from religious leaders or counselors.

Find Solace or Take Action. Even children can feel better by doing something, whether it’s a spiritual pursuit, a political activity or just an act of kindness. Look for activities that are age-appropriate. “Find a child-sized way to take action,” says Kennedy-Moore, “saying a prayer together, or raising money, or signing a petition, or sending a card or letter.”

Signs of More Than Normal Stress. Watch for signs of excessive fear or anxiety in the next few weeks. According to the American Psychological Association, signs of stress in children can include trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating on school work, or changes in appetite. If those symptoms last for more than a week or two, ask your child’s teachers if they are observing the same thing and consult your school psychologist or pediatrician.

Focus on the Positive. Experts, from psychologists to religious leaders, remind us to focus on the good. For starters, remember how unusual these tragedies are. “Statistically speaking, it’s safer for them to be in a school than for a parent to put them in a car,” says Rossen.

Tough times can be a reminder for us to cherish our family and loved ones each day. Kennedy-Moore reminds us, “There is more joy than sorrow in life.”

By Grace Hwang Lynch

Article originally posted on pbs.org.  http://www.pbs.org/parents/talkingwithkids/news/help-kids-feel-safe.htmlOri

The post How to Help Kids Feel Safe after Tragedy first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

If your child does use a car seat or seatbelt, does this mean they’re safe? Not necessarily. And according to MoDOT, not likely. They estimate that nearly 73% of all child restraints are used incorrectly. With motor vehicle crashes being the leading cause of death among children in the United States, it is vital for parents, caregivers, and educators to learn the proper safety guidelines.

Do you know Missouri’s laws regarding age, height, and weight requirements for child restraints?

• Children less than 4 years old or less than 40 pounds must be in an appropriate child safety seat
• Children ages 4 through 7 who weigh at least 40 pounds must be in an appropriate child safety seat or booster seat unless they are 80 pounds or 4’9″ tall
• Children 8 and over or weighing at least 80 pounds or at least 4’9” tall are required to be secured by a safety belt or buckled into an appropriate booster seat

As a social worker at Lutheran Family and Children’s Services, I work with many parents who are surprised to learn that:

• Their children should use a car seat or booster seat until age 8 or 80 pounds
• Their child should be in a rear-facing car seat until age 2 (or when they reach the height/weight limits)
• The car seat chest clip should be tightly fitted at armpit level
• Car seats expire about 6 years after manufacture (check the back of the car seat for the expiration date)

After realizing how many of the children I work with don’t have car seats or aren’t fitted in them properly, I knew it was time to take action. On October 17, Safety Stop at Saint Louis Children’s Hospital partnered with Lutheran Family and Children’s Services to provide car seats to our families in need. Clients of LFCS were provided an age, height, and weight appropriate car seat free of charge. A certified safety technician from Safety Stop installed the car seats in the families’ vehicles and provided car seat education to ensure child safety. Several of these children were previously using a car seat that they had outgrown, a car seat that was installed incorrectly, or they were not using a car seat at all.

Programs like Safety Stop ensure the increased safety of our children on their way to school, doctor appointments, dance recitals, and sports practice. The certified child passenger safety technicians at Safety Stop can check your car seat for free to make sure it is installed correctly and safely fitted to your child.

Every properly fitted car seat has the potential to save a life. Learn the car seat safety laws and help make Missouri a safer place for kids. Our children’s lives depend on it.

For more information, visit:

MoDOT Safety Laws: http://www.modot.org/safety/newlaws.htm

CDC Car Seat Safety Facts: http://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/child_passenger_safety/cps-factsheet.html

Safety Stop at Saint Louis Children’s Hospital: (314) 454-KIDS (5437); http://www.stlouischildrens.org/health-resources/community-education/safety-stop

The post Car Seat Safety Saves Lives first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.