foster care adoption - Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri

GRIEF IN ADOPTION

beanstalk — Mon, 03 Jun 2024 15:24:52 +0000

While adoption is often portrayed as a heartwarming journey filled with love and new beginnings, it is essential to acknowledge the complex emotions and grief that can accompany the process. For birth parents, the decision to place their child for adoption can be fraught with profound sadness and loss, even amidst the hope for a better future. Similarly, adoptive families may grapple with feelings of grief stemming from infertility struggles, navigating the complexities of the adoption process, or managing expectations versus reality. Understanding and addressing these layers of grief is vital in providing holistic support to all individuals involved in the adoption journey.

There are several types of grief that are commonly experienced within the adoption triad. Most often, people are aware of the intense grief that someone experiences when a loved one dies. This intense sadness is what some grief counselors refer to as “normal grief.” There are, however, other kinds of grief that are expereinced during adoption. Let’s examine these types more closely:

Anticipatory Grief

This is the grief we feel when we know a loss is coming. Birth parents may feel anticipatory grief when making the adoption plan, particularly as the day of placement draws near. Birth parents in foster care may also experience this grief type once they realise their case will end in termination of rights.

Ambiguous Grief

You can think of this as grief for someone who still exists in the world, but isn’t physically present or whose identity has changed to become someone unknown to you. The child placed for adoption is lost to their parents, even though the child may be thriving in their adoptive home. The opposite may be true for the foster-adoptee, who grieves the loss of their birth family member who is no longer allowed to live with them due to safety concerns.

Complicated Grief

Sometimes grief is mixed with other emotions, particularly if the loss brought about some beneficial changes. The adopted child may feel relieved to be cared for in a safe and loving environment where their needs are consistently met, but may also feel loss for the life they might have experienced with their birth family. These mixed emotions can be difficult and confusing to navigate.

Chronic Grief

Sometimes grief has a natural ending, as people are able to arrive at a season of moving forward. Other times, the person who is grieving never gains freedom from their grief in a significant way. This can be very true for the birth parent who may never stop loving their child and wishing their circumstances were different. They may feel constant reminders that the child is no longer with them and they may not be comforted by knowing the child is safe, healthy and thriving. It is common to require counseling and perhaps medical treatment for depression in order to help manage chronic grief.

If you or someone you know is experiencing grief, sadness, or depression that is impacting their quality of life, considering reaching out to LFCS for counseling services. Our compassionate staff of licensed therapists can help you during this difficult season. Please contact us at 866-326-LFCS or HELP@LFCS.ORG

The post GRIEF IN ADOPTION first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Journey to Parenthood

beanstalk — Mon, 01 Jul 2019 15:24:57 +0000

Meet Aubren and Zach. They came to LFCS several years ago to learn more about foster care and adoption services. Their journey to parenthood took several interesting turns, but the support from LFCS made the difference. Watch below to learn about their experience.

To begin your journey to parenthood through foster care, contact us today! Learn more here.

The post Journey to Parenthood first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Amazing Grace

beanstalk — Mon, 30 Oct 2017 14:45:18 +0000

Amazing Grace

Ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes.
Perfect little ears, and the cutest button nose.

I hold you while you’re sleeping, swaying side to side.
Wondering what you’re dreaming, behind those big blue eyes.

What are you remembering? Who is it that you see?
Is it something beautiful? A happy memory?

How did you get here with our family? What lead you to our home?
Was it because someone left you, scared and all alone?

Did you cry and cry for hours, hungry and needing changed?
How long did this go on, before your placement was arranged?

Oh, the things you must have seen. The places that you’ve been.
How long will you be here, until you’re there again?

My mind takes me places my heart can’t understand.
Is this what God intended? Is this what God has planned?

What about your Mommy? Does she miss your sweet, sweet smile?
Will she heal herself forever, or just a little while?

I’d happily keep you here forever, safe and loved and warm.
You would know we’d only love you, and we’d never do you harm.

How does your story end, sweet child? Where will you go and why?
Will you be forever in your mother’s arms, or forever be in mine?

Until then I’ll keep swaying and looking at your face;
And marveling in the wonder of God’s amazing Grace.

Written by: Kristal Hall – Foster and Adoptive Mother to Grace

Bringing Amazing Grace Home, Thanks to You

For several months, foster parents John and Kristal Hall had been faithfully driving the weekly one-hour trip with Baby Grace to a court-ordered supervised visit with Grace’s birth mother, “Tonya.” This week was Mother’s Day. Kristal gave Tonya a photo of her daughter.

Tonya stared in awe. “This is the only Mother’s Day gift I’ve ever received.”

Grace’s birth mom was leading a difficult life. She was trying hard to escape drug addiction that threatened her health, her future, and her family’s stability. Grace was the youngest of Tonya’s five children; she no longer had custody of the older siblings. On a cold February evening, a Lutheran Family and Children’s Services caseworker was called by Missouri’s child protective agency staff. They’d just removed three-month-old Grace from her home after finding signs of neglect and Mom’s drug abuse.

Kristal and John Hall had been praying about foster parenting. Then came a call from LFCS. The couple drove to an empty restaurant parking lot. “I saw Grace’s big blue eyes peering out of her car seat,” Kristal recalls. “And I knew it was meant to be.”

The couple brought their foster daughter home that very night. Along with their biological children, then 10 and 8, the family grew, if only for a little while, to five. Grace grew and thrived.

Months later, arriving for one of the supervised visits, Kristal was told Tonya wasn’t ready. After a time, an LFCS caseworker appeared. “Tonya is relinquishing her rights as a parent. She’s signed the papers. Grace is yours.”

“Grace is yours.” The words swept over Kristal as if they were God’s own loving hand, which she and John knew had been guiding them throughout the entire journey.

Kristal had the chance to speak with Tonya, who told her: “I made this decision a long time ago when I saw how much you loved her. You can give Grace what I can’t …”

John and Kristal Hall completed the adoption ceremony. And a brand new forever-family was born. Grace will turn three years old on November 20, 2017. The family shares their awe and gratitude in matching T-shirts that read:

ONE less orphan. ONE happy family. ONE faithful God.

Tonya’s name has been changed. Last year, generous donors to Lutheran Family and Children’s Services enabled the agency to facilitate 175 foster care placements and 42 adoptions across Missouri.

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