Michael and Sarah Hanf’s adoption journey is a powerful testament to the importance of openness in adoption. Their path, like many who pursue adoption, was filled with both hope and heartbreak. When the Hanfs first reached out to LFCS, they were navigating the emotional ups and downs of trying to build their family.

“We continued to try to have kids, but after multiple miscarriages we found out we had infertility issues,” Sarah recalls. “We went through several medical procedures, and after five years we were able to have our oldest child, Morgan.” After experiencing the joy of parenthood, they hoped to have another child. However, doctors told them they had only a 3% chance of success if they attempted the same lengthy process. Knowing how painful and unlikely that process would be, Michael and Sarah chose adoption.

Their initial attempts to adopt, however, were marked by disappointment. They connected with another agency but found the experience frustrating and costly. “That was crushing,” Sarah shares. “We were very discouraged… we felt like we were just another number.” After similarly negative experiences with multiple other agencies, they reached out to LFCS in desperation. What they found was a team that truly cared.

“She was so kind and understanding after we had just been through a lot at that point,” Sarah says of the LFCS staff member who helped them. Michael adds, “There were several sessions where we had just us and our social worker answering questions and going over the process. They let us know what to expect and were honest about the uncertainty.” For the first time in their adoption journey, they felt seen and supported.

One of the most impactful aspects of LFCS’s approach was the focus on openness in adoption. “They had panels where we could hear from birth parents, adoptive parents, adoptees,” Sarah explains. “And that’s where we learned the most about openness.” Before this, the Hanfs only knew about closed adoptions, having seen them in their own family. “Both of my sisters were adopted,” Michael shares. “The one hesitation I had was how LFCS was encouraging open adoptions. Through the help of LFCS, we began to realize how special an open adoption can be.”

Michael, Sarah, Morgan, Olivia, & Brooklynn Hanf

The post National Adoption Month: The Hanfs and Open Adoption first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Anticipatory Grief

This is the grief we feel when we know a loss is coming. Birth parents may feel anticipatory grief when making the adoption plan, particularly as the day of placement draws near. Birth parents in foster care may also experience this grief type once they realise their case will end in termination of rights.

Ambiguous Grief

You can think of this as grief for someone who still exists in the world, but isn’t physically present or whose identity has changed to become someone unknown to you. The child placed for adoption is lost to their parents, even though the child may be thriving in their adoptive home. The opposite may be true for the foster-adoptee, who grieves the loss of their birth family member who is no longer allowed to live with them due to safety concerns.

The post GRIEF IN ADOPTION first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

November is National Adoption Month, a time to celebrate the transformative power of adoption and raise awareness about the need for loving families for children. Courtesy of Lutheran Family and Children’s Services (LFCS), here are some of the most current adoption statistics, including some specific to Missouri.

National

• 114,000 children are eligible for adoption.
• More than 50,000 children are adopted from foster care each year
• About 100,000 children are adopted through all adoptions each year.
• Around 700,000 children are living with adoptive parents.

• 1 in 35 children in the United States is adopted.
• Approximately 95% of domestic infant adoptions are considered to be open or semi-open adoptions
• 50 percent of families with adopted children also have biological children.

Statewide

• There were 1,298 private adoptions in 2020 and 1,652 adoptions from foster care
• 2,677 Missouri children were waiting to be adopted in 2021.
• The most common ages for children waiting to be adopted in Missouri is between 1-4 years old

• 5 in 1,000 Missouri children entered foster care in 2021 (national average is 3.5 children per 1,000).
• 27 private adoptions in 2022 were conducted through LFCS.

Throughout National Adoption Month, LFCS encourages individuals to learn more about the adoption process and celebrate the journey of those who chose adoption. By offering a wide range of adoption services, including counseling, education, financial assistance, and support groups, LFCS strives to create a nurturing environment for all members of the adoption triad.

For anyone considering adoption, we encourage you to visit https://staging.lfcsmo.org/adoption-services. You can find comprehensive info about our adoption process, helpful resources for birth families and adoptive couples, as well as an overview of the couples currently seeking placement. If you have any questions or want to speak with one of our professional case managers, please call 866-326-LFCS (5327).

Source: The Annie E. Casey Foundation, National Council on Adoption, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, The Adoption Network and LFCS

The post Adoption By The Numbers first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

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The journey of adoption is filled with emotions, struggles, and beauty. From potential adoptive parents to birth parents to adoptees, everyone involved understands it is an incredibly sensitive process. For this reason, it can be difficult for anyone outside the adoption triad to truly understand the adoption experience. It can be difficult to know where to begin if someone is seeking to better understand the journey of adoption. LFCS is here to help those who would like to learn more about the details of the adoption process.

We asked our adoption team to answer some of the most common questions they are asked by prospective adoptive parents. We want to share their responses with you so that you can better understand what the journey of adoption can look like. Our adoption team believes it is important to have accurate information and aims to build awareness to all considering this extremely personal decision.

How long does the adoption process normally take?

On average, a private domestic adoption takes between 12-18 months for a waiting adoptive family to become matched. Many variables go into finding the perfect fit between expectant/birth parents and potential adoptive parents, and LFCS wants to make sure everyone feels the situation is just right for both parties. LFCS encourages adoptive families to be patient during this process because it can take time. It can be a long and difficult process, but the result will be a lifelong connection with a child who is deeply loved.

How much does adoption typically cost?

A typical private, domestic adoption costs between $20,000 & $40,000. These costs include the home study, education/training for adoptive parents, birth parent support, and legal fees. We know this can be expensive for many families. LFCS can help families apply for grants to help cover the expenses. We want to minimize any barriers that keep adoptive couples from completing their family. 

What is an open adoption and why is it important?

Openness in adoption refers to the type and amount of interaction between birth family, adoptive family, and the adoptee, as well as the access a child has to their full identity and heritage. Contact among all parties may involve shared updates and pictures or in-person visits. Openness allows the birth family, adoptive family, and the adoptee to maintain contact and build a relationship over time. Openness benefits everyone in the adoption triad, especially adoptees. Openness allows adoptees access to their adoption story and details about their birth heritage, even if contact with their birth family isn’t possible. Open adoption also helps birth parents feel confident that their child is safe and thriving. LFCS utilizes the Inclusive Family Support Model of openness to help families navigate this important relationship in adoption.

Can an adoptive couple choose a child’s race, gender, or other characteristics?

During the home study process, adoptive parents are approved to adoption children based on what kind of child they feel equipped to parent. LFCS does not approve families based on a specific gender, but we do take into consideration a couple’s ability to support a child’s racial/ethnic heritage and health/mental health background. Additionally, the decision-making power is in the hands of each adoptive couple as they review the information in each matching situation.

Can a birth parent change their mind after the adoption is finalized?

We understand that many factors must be considered when faced with such an important decision. Pregnant women considering adoption often re-evaluate their plan as they move through the adoption process. The caring case workers at LFCS support clients throughout their pregnancy and delivery, whether they choose to parent or make an adoption plan. This support and guidance often gives expectant parents confidence in whatever plan they ultimately choose. In addition to support during pregnancy and placement, birth parents are also invited to receive ongoing support through post-adoption services offered through LFCS.

Once a child is placed for adoption, the legal process begins. Birth parents voluntarily consent to having their parental rights terminated so the adoption can move forward. This is the last point at which the birth parents can change their minds, as the consent process is legally-binding. This is why the LFCS adoption team continually educates and counsels birth families to make sure they understand every aspect of the permanent decision they are making. Once consents have been signed, adoptive families have two hearings during their adoption journey: one to transfer legal custody of the child to their family and the other to finalize their adoption. While many adoptive families fear that their adoption could be easily overturned, this fear is not supported by facts. It is extremely rare for adoptions to be overturned after an adoption has been finalized.

For more information or to contact someone on our adoption team, please visit lfcsmo.org/adoption-services

The post Answering Common Adoptive Parent Questions first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Our Adoption, Parenting, and Pregnancy services will now be available in Jackson County. From parenting education to case management, home visitations to creating forever families, LFCS is thrilled to help Northwest Missouri build a better tomorrow. Overcoming challenges, creating sustainable change, and empowering communities. That’s what we do at LFCS and that’s what we are bringing to Kansas City!

“This is a major step for the agency in accomplishing our
goal to be the recognized leader for parents and families who
want solutions to help children thrive throughout the entire
state.”
Matthew BricklerPresident, LFCS Operating Board

Meet Brookelyn Morris,
Kansas City’s Inaugural Staff Member

“When I first started at LFCS, all of the staff
made sure I felt welcome and supported.
This is very vital as we are new to the
KC area. We are so excited to bring an
organization that is well needed to Kansas
City!”
– Brookelyn MorrisLFCS Social Worker

The post Kansas City Here We Come! first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

To begin your journey to parenthood through foster care, contact us today! Learn more here.

The post Journey to Parenthood first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Even before learning they were unable to have biological children, Heather and Longley considered adoption. But as a U.S. Navy test pilot, the couple rarely stayed in one place long enough to even consider the idea. That was until they landed in St. Louis. A three-year commitment gave them enough time to start the process, to complete their home study, and then to wait.

Waiting was the hard part. They knew the fate of their family-to-be was in the hands of a birth family who would chose them.

During that time, Heather and Longley met with their LFCS caseworker to talk about all the what-ifs of becoming a family. They learned about their options as adoptive parents and to better understand the position of birth parents. Through counseling and many conversations, Heather and Longley prepared for parenthood.

Eighteen months later, Isabelle was born. Her birth mother made the difficult, but loving decision to place her daughter with a couple who she felt could provide a life she deserved. And that one choice made Heather, Longley and Isabelle a family.

The post Promise of Family through Adoption first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Patrice was told of Bentley’s experience and injuries and she knew she could help. As a foster parent for more than 20 years, she had cared for children with special needs before. Bentley was placed in her care and his journey to recovery began.

Patrice refused to accept the doctors’ predictions. She found therapies to address his delays and spent countless hours addressing his needs. In just two years, Bentley made huge strides. He was able to sit up on his own, was learning to communicate and could even smile when he was happy. It was time for him to have a forever home.

A family interested in adopting through foster care had been working with LFCS and was told about Bentley. They agreed to meet with him and Patrice. They fell in love with this sweet little boy and soon made plans to adopt him.

Although forever scarred by the abuse, Bentley is now thriving because of the love he is shown.

Twice a year, LFCS provides Elevated Needs Training for foster parents. This and other available trainings prepare foster parents to care for children with special needs and, ultimately, reduce the risk of abuse. For questions about upcoming Foster Parent Training opportunities, contact Lisa.

The post Promise of Safety – Recovering from Abuse first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

When we are young, we assume we will fall in love, get married, and children will follow. But starting a family is not always as easy as we might assume.  Adopting from foster care was not the path to parenthood Ericka and Brad expected, but then they met Destiny. The rest, as they say, is history.

There are thousands of Missouri children living in foster care and in need of a place to call home. If you are interested in providing a safe, loving environment for a child in need, contact LFCS Foster Care and Family Services today!

Can’t see the video above? Click here to watch it on YouTube.

The post A Promise of Love – Foster Care and Family Services first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Bree and Tony had been together for four years. Their son, Mason was just starting to walk when they learned their second baby was on the way. It should have been exciting news, but for this couple, it could not have come at a worse time.

Bree was a heroin addict. Although she was committed to her treatment program and never missed a rehab appointment, she was still in recovery. Tony, too, struggled with addiction to drugs and alcohol. Due to relapses, neither had held a job for more than a few months in the past year. Homeless, the family of three bounced from one friend’s couch to another and occasionally stayed in shelters throughout Saint Louis. They were lucky to eat one full meal a day and their only possessions fit in a backpack and a trash bag.

“How would this second baby fit into this life?” Bree thought. This was not a healthy environment to raise one child, let alone two.

In order to improve their life, Bree and Tony knew their priority had to be recovery. They wanted their children to grow up feeling loved and safe. Addiction could not provide either. Treatment was a full-time commitment. Dividing their attention between a newborn baby and Mason seemed like an impossible feat. They talked to their treatment counselor about options. That’s when they first learned about LFCS.

Bree and Tony read the LFCS pamphlet for birth parents and called to make an appointment. A friend offered to drive them and watch Mason. They met with a caseworker who explained their choices and how each could affect their lives. Parenting this baby meant recovery could not be the priority, but that they would be raising their children together. Placing the baby in an adoptive home gave the opportunity to focus on treatment, but without the child they already loved so much.

Neither decision seemed easy.

Following that first consultation and several conversations, Bree and Tony knew they had found the answer in adoption.

Making an adoption plan brought both heartache and bittersweet joy. As birth parents, Bree and Tony were able to review all the potential adoptive parents and select the couple to parent their baby. This process allowed them to envision the life their baby could have – the one they knew they were unable to provide. With the adoptive parents, Bree and Tony determined the level of openness to have in the years to come. Their collective decision eased Bree’s mind about prioritizing her rehabilitation, knowing that although she could not be a consistent presence for her baby then, in the future she had the opportunity to be involved.

Just three short weeks after first meeting the adoptive parents, Bree went into labor. When they placed their newborn son in his adoptive mother’s arms, Bree and Tony knew their difficult choice was the right one.

If you are pregnant and confused, contact LFCS today! We are here to provide support and information about all pregnancy and parenting options available.

The post A Promise of Love – Birth Parent Services first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.