Samantha and Drew are just 20-years old. They met shortly after graduating high school and married before turning 19. To most, their odds at a happy and successful life together seemed unlikely for so many reasons.

Neither had been raised with much love or stability. Drew spent much of his childhood alone; his father a single dad who preferred to throw punches and insults rather than support his son. Likewise, Samantha rarely felt loved. Her stepfather abused her for as long as she could remember and when she finally had the courage to speak up, Samantha’s mother refused to believe her.

Children who are victims of domestic violence are 3 times more likely to repeat the cycle in adulthood, as growing up with domestic violence is the most significant predictor of whether or not someone will be engaged in domestic violence later in life.

UNICEF. “Behind Closed Doors”

Before making the choice to marry, Samantha and Drew committed to ending the cycle of abuse. They vowed to be better parents for the children they would raise. They found the support they needed to be successful through LFCS.

When they began receiving services, Mariah was just three-weeks old. Samantha was staying home, forced to quit her part-time job to care for their daughter. Drew was also unemployed following a near-fatal car accident five months prior to Mariah’s birth. He needed multiple surgeries to repair his injuries and was unable to work as a result. While struggling with the realities of life, Samantha and Drew sought help.

LFCS was able to provide parenting education for both Drew and Samantha to reduce the risk of abuse and neglect for Mariah. Drew was connected with the local Career Center to assist with his resume and job search following his recovery. Samantha received support and guidance as she explored job training opportunities and daycare recommendations for Mariah when classes began.

Today Samantha is ready to apply for a medical assistant program and Drew is working full-time in manufacturing. Their marriage is strong and they are proud to be loving parents to their sweet little girl.

Click here to read more about LFCS Parenting Services and all the ways in which we aim to end the cycle of abuse through education and counseling.

The post Love Wins for Baby Mariah first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Gerald, LFCS Parenting Client

After Gerald and his wife, Sheila, divorced, they shared custody of their daughters, Kaylee and Chloe. Gerald looked forward to seeing his girls every Wednesday and every other weekend. He knew his children, especially Kaylee, were struggling with their parent’s separation and did his best to create a stable, loving home for them while they were in his care.

Gerald was concerned that Sheila was not providing the same structured environment for their children. With her mom as her primary care taker, Kaylee started falling behind in school and hanging out with older teens who steered her in the wrong direction. When staying with her dad, Kaylee would confide that her relationship with Sheila was strained and that bitterness was growing between them.

On one particularly tense day at her mom’s house, Kaylee brought home a report card with two failing grades. Sheila lost it and began punching her relentlessly. Chloe was watching and cried out for her mom to stop. When Kaylee couldn’t get up on her own, her mom panicked. Sheila helped her up and drove her to the emergency room. She told doctors Kaylee had fallen down the steps. But by her condition and the look on Kaylee’s face, they knew otherwise.

The authorities contacted Gerald to notify him of the abuse. You can imagine his heartbreak and concern for his children. He immediately knew that he needed to step up to the plate as a dad to do what was best for his kids.

That’s when Gerald turned to Lutheran Family and Children’s Services for help. He needed guidance for himself, and more importantly, support for Kaylee and Chloe. The girls met weekly with their LFCS counselor to work through the trauma of the physical and emotional abuse they had endured.

Now in their father’s care and with the support of their LFCS counselors, the girls have begun to heal and feel safe.

The post Promise of Fatherhood first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Patrice was told of Bentley’s experience and injuries and she knew she could help. As a foster parent for more than 20 years, she had cared for children with special needs before. Bentley was placed in her care and his journey to recovery began.

Patrice refused to accept the doctors’ predictions. She found therapies to address his delays and spent countless hours addressing his needs. In just two years, Bentley made huge strides. He was able to sit up on his own, was learning to communicate and could even smile when he was happy. It was time for him to have a forever home.

A family interested in adopting through foster care had been working with LFCS and was told about Bentley. They agreed to meet with him and Patrice. They fell in love with this sweet little boy and soon made plans to adopt him.

Although forever scarred by the abuse, Bentley is now thriving because of the love he is shown.

Twice a year, LFCS provides Elevated Needs Training for foster parents. This and other available trainings prepare foster parents to care for children with special needs and, ultimately, reduce the risk of abuse. For questions about upcoming Foster Parent Training opportunities, contact Lisa.

The post Promise of Safety – Recovering from Abuse first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Rachel began meeting with an LFCS social worker regularly. She was taught to make her needs a priority and to set realistic goals. Rachel’s first major goals: find a job and a place to live in town. While she focused on looking for work, LFCS helped her with infant care items and connected her to other community resources.  Rachel soon had access to a wealth of resources including housing coaching, resources for a car seat and crib, GED practice tests, bus vouchers, and clothing vouchers.

Once Rachel found part-time work, LFCS reached out to a local community agency that offered assistance to domestic violence victims. With their assistance, Rachel received assistance with a deposit and rent on an apartment for six months.  She was finally able to move in to her own home close to work.

Rachel’s daughter was born in November, happy and healthy.

Since then, the LFCS Maternal Mental Health program provides additional support to address Rachel’s her post-partum needs. She attends bi-weekly support group meeting with other young mothers at LFCS. Together they share parenting concerns and ask questions that they all learn from.

Rachel is currently looking for safe and reliable child care so she can return to work.  She is saving money to buy a car which will increase her independence and allow her to get back and forth to work.  Rachel’s current focus is to obtain her GED while she provides a safe and stable home for her daughter.  She is succeeding, thanks to you!

Learn more about LFCS Pregnancy and Parenting services.

The post Pregnancy, Abuse and Depression first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Myth: It’s only abuse if it’s violent.

Fact: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.

Myth: Only bad people abuse their children.

Fact: While it’s easy to say that only “bad people” abuse their children, it’s not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don’t know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.

Myth: Child abuse doesn’t happen in “good” families.

Fact: Child abuse doesn’t only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.

Myth: Most child abusers are strangers.

Fact: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.

Myth: Abused children always grow up to be abusers.

Fact: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconsciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.

The post Myths & Facts about Abuse first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.