Michael and Sarah Hanf’s adoption journey is a powerful testament to the importance of openness in adoption. Their path, like many who pursue adoption, was filled with both hope and heartbreak. When the Hanfs first reached out to LFCS, they were navigating the emotional ups and downs of trying to build their family.

“We continued to try to have kids, but after multiple miscarriages we found out we had infertility issues,” Sarah recalls. “We went through several medical procedures, and after five years we were able to have our oldest child, Morgan.” After experiencing the joy of parenthood, they hoped to have another child. However, doctors told them they had only a 3% chance of success if they attempted the same lengthy process. Knowing how painful and unlikely that process would be, Michael and Sarah chose adoption.

Their initial attempts to adopt, however, were marked by disappointment. They connected with another agency but found the experience frustrating and costly. “That was crushing,” Sarah shares. “We were very discouraged… we felt like we were just another number.” After similarly negative experiences with multiple other agencies, they reached out to LFCS in desperation. What they found was a team that truly cared.

“She was so kind and understanding after we had just been through a lot at that point,” Sarah says of the LFCS staff member who helped them. Michael adds, “There were several sessions where we had just us and our social worker answering questions and going over the process. They let us know what to expect and were honest about the uncertainty.” For the first time in their adoption journey, they felt seen and supported.

One of the most impactful aspects of LFCS’s approach was the focus on openness in adoption. “They had panels where we could hear from birth parents, adoptive parents, adoptees,” Sarah explains. “And that’s where we learned the most about openness.” Before this, the Hanfs only knew about closed adoptions, having seen them in their own family. “Both of my sisters were adopted,” Michael shares. “The one hesitation I had was how LFCS was encouraging open adoptions. Through the help of LFCS, we began to realize how special an open adoption can be.”

Michael, Sarah, Morgan, Olivia, & Brooklynn Hanf

The post National Adoption Month: The Hanfs and Open Adoption first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

LFCS began offering Pregnancy Support and Adoption services in Kansas City last year, out of a temporary office in Peace Lutheran Church. Following an extensive search, LFCS has now secured a larger, permanent office conveniently located at 1 East Armour Boulevard in Kansas City. The space is well-equipped and easily accessible by public transportation. “This central location allows us to be readily available to the community,” said Duggar.

The post LFCS Expanding In Kansas City first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Abuse, neglect, infertility or depression doesn’t care about who you vote for. These challenges can affect anybody, anywhere. LFCS offers critical services like pregnancy testing and support, parenting education, counseling for children and families, adoption services, foster care, and child development programs. These services aren’t just important; they are essential in helping children grow up safe, supported, and empowered.

By choosing to support LFCS, you’re casting your vote for a brighter future where every child has the tools, love, and care they need to succeed. Your gift is a direct endorsement of hope and healing for families who rely on LFCS to overcome the hardships they face.

The post LFCS Rallies Around Kids During This Election Season first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Anticipatory Grief

This is the grief we feel when we know a loss is coming. Birth parents may feel anticipatory grief when making the adoption plan, particularly as the day of placement draws near. Birth parents in foster care may also experience this grief type once they realise their case will end in termination of rights.

Ambiguous Grief

You can think of this as grief for someone who still exists in the world, but isn’t physically present or whose identity has changed to become someone unknown to you. The child placed for adoption is lost to their parents, even though the child may be thriving in their adoptive home. The opposite may be true for the foster-adoptee, who grieves the loss of their birth family member who is no longer allowed to live with them due to safety concerns.

The post GRIEF IN ADOPTION first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

November is National Adoption Month, a time to celebrate the transformative power of adoption and raise awareness about the need for loving families for children. Courtesy of Lutheran Family and Children’s Services (LFCS), here are some of the most current adoption statistics, including some specific to Missouri.

National

• 114,000 children are eligible for adoption.
• More than 50,000 children are adopted from foster care each year
• About 100,000 children are adopted through all adoptions each year.
• Around 700,000 children are living with adoptive parents.

• 1 in 35 children in the United States is adopted.
• Approximately 95% of domestic infant adoptions are considered to be open or semi-open adoptions
• 50 percent of families with adopted children also have biological children.

Statewide

• There were 1,298 private adoptions in 2020 and 1,652 adoptions from foster care
• 2,677 Missouri children were waiting to be adopted in 2021.
• The most common ages for children waiting to be adopted in Missouri is between 1-4 years old

• 5 in 1,000 Missouri children entered foster care in 2021 (national average is 3.5 children per 1,000).
• 27 private adoptions in 2022 were conducted through LFCS.

Throughout National Adoption Month, LFCS encourages individuals to learn more about the adoption process and celebrate the journey of those who chose adoption. By offering a wide range of adoption services, including counseling, education, financial assistance, and support groups, LFCS strives to create a nurturing environment for all members of the adoption triad.

For anyone considering adoption, we encourage you to visit https://staging.lfcsmo.org/adoption-services. You can find comprehensive info about our adoption process, helpful resources for birth families and adoptive couples, as well as an overview of the couples currently seeking placement. If you have any questions or want to speak with one of our professional case managers, please call 866-326-LFCS (5327).

Source: The Annie E. Casey Foundation, National Council on Adoption, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, The Adoption Network and LFCS

The post Adoption By The Numbers first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

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The journey of adoption is filled with emotions, struggles, and beauty. From potential adoptive parents to birth parents to adoptees, everyone involved understands it is an incredibly sensitive process. For this reason, it can be difficult for anyone outside the adoption triad to truly understand the adoption experience. It can be difficult to know where to begin if someone is seeking to better understand the journey of adoption. LFCS is here to help those who would like to learn more about the details of the adoption process.

We asked our adoption team to answer some of the most common questions they are asked by prospective adoptive parents. We want to share their responses with you so that you can better understand what the journey of adoption can look like. Our adoption team believes it is important to have accurate information and aims to build awareness to all considering this extremely personal decision.

How long does the adoption process normally take?

On average, a private domestic adoption takes between 12-18 months for a waiting adoptive family to become matched. Many variables go into finding the perfect fit between expectant/birth parents and potential adoptive parents, and LFCS wants to make sure everyone feels the situation is just right for both parties. LFCS encourages adoptive families to be patient during this process because it can take time. It can be a long and difficult process, but the result will be a lifelong connection with a child who is deeply loved.

How much does adoption typically cost?

A typical private, domestic adoption costs between $20,000 & $40,000. These costs include the home study, education/training for adoptive parents, birth parent support, and legal fees. We know this can be expensive for many families. LFCS can help families apply for grants to help cover the expenses. We want to minimize any barriers that keep adoptive couples from completing their family. 

What is an open adoption and why is it important?

Openness in adoption refers to the type and amount of interaction between birth family, adoptive family, and the adoptee, as well as the access a child has to their full identity and heritage. Contact among all parties may involve shared updates and pictures or in-person visits. Openness allows the birth family, adoptive family, and the adoptee to maintain contact and build a relationship over time. Openness benefits everyone in the adoption triad, especially adoptees. Openness allows adoptees access to their adoption story and details about their birth heritage, even if contact with their birth family isn’t possible. Open adoption also helps birth parents feel confident that their child is safe and thriving. LFCS utilizes the Inclusive Family Support Model of openness to help families navigate this important relationship in adoption.

Can an adoptive couple choose a child’s race, gender, or other characteristics?

During the home study process, adoptive parents are approved to adoption children based on what kind of child they feel equipped to parent. LFCS does not approve families based on a specific gender, but we do take into consideration a couple’s ability to support a child’s racial/ethnic heritage and health/mental health background. Additionally, the decision-making power is in the hands of each adoptive couple as they review the information in each matching situation.

Can a birth parent change their mind after the adoption is finalized?

We understand that many factors must be considered when faced with such an important decision. Pregnant women considering adoption often re-evaluate their plan as they move through the adoption process. The caring case workers at LFCS support clients throughout their pregnancy and delivery, whether they choose to parent or make an adoption plan. This support and guidance often gives expectant parents confidence in whatever plan they ultimately choose. In addition to support during pregnancy and placement, birth parents are also invited to receive ongoing support through post-adoption services offered through LFCS.

Once a child is placed for adoption, the legal process begins. Birth parents voluntarily consent to having their parental rights terminated so the adoption can move forward. This is the last point at which the birth parents can change their minds, as the consent process is legally-binding. This is why the LFCS adoption team continually educates and counsels birth families to make sure they understand every aspect of the permanent decision they are making. Once consents have been signed, adoptive families have two hearings during their adoption journey: one to transfer legal custody of the child to their family and the other to finalize their adoption. While many adoptive families fear that their adoption could be easily overturned, this fear is not supported by facts. It is extremely rare for adoptions to be overturned after an adoption has been finalized.

For more information or to contact someone on our adoption team, please visit lfcsmo.org/adoption-services

The post Answering Common Adoptive Parent Questions first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Our Adoption, Parenting, and Pregnancy services will now be available in Jackson County. From parenting education to case management, home visitations to creating forever families, LFCS is thrilled to help Northwest Missouri build a better tomorrow. Overcoming challenges, creating sustainable change, and empowering communities. That’s what we do at LFCS and that’s what we are bringing to Kansas City!

“This is a major step for the agency in accomplishing our
goal to be the recognized leader for parents and families who
want solutions to help children thrive throughout the entire
state.”
Matthew BricklerPresident, LFCS Operating Board

Meet Brookelyn Morris,
Kansas City’s Inaugural Staff Member

“When I first started at LFCS, all of the staff
made sure I felt welcome and supported.
This is very vital as we are new to the
KC area. We are so excited to bring an
organization that is well needed to Kansas
City!”
– Brookelyn MorrisLFCS Social Worker

The post Kansas City Here We Come! first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Together we face uncertainty, worry, and sudden changes that affect both our personal and professional lives. We all feel the impact. How we react to these unforeseen disruptions will make a difference in our lives as well as those we love.

LFCS is adapting because children and families in Missouri remain our priority.

As leaders in the field of professional mental health services, we know that times of crisis are stressful and often traumatic for children and families. When unmanaged, the effects of stress and trauma can impact our mental, physical, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being.

So we want to know, how are you doing?

If you need help, we understand. We are here for you. LFCS counselors are ready to address the challenges your family may feel during this time of uncertainty. We aim to provide ways for you to cope, help connect you with much-needed resources, and offer additional comfort during these difficult times. We are accessible through telehealth to protect your physical health and respect social distancing guidelines. This virtual approach to therapy includes counseling over the telephone or through video conferencing, such as Zoom, Skype or FaceTime. We understand these methods may be new to you. We will do our best to make you comfortable and to accommodate you and your family’s unique needs as we move forward together.

Call us today at 866-326-LFCS  or submit your request for services online.

The post We are here for you first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Early in my career, I found myself working for the Children’s Division; an agency with the Department of Social Services designed to protect children and reunite families.  I had intentions of this role being a mere stepping stone to the wonderful future I had laid out for myself.  Somehow though, I never left.  For ten years, I was on the front line working directly with children and families involved in the foster care system.  I tried to leave – I really did, but I never could.  I could not find anything that interested me more.  Finally, I just gave on the idea of doing anything else.  I thought, “Maybe this is where I am meant to be.  Maybe this is what God intended for my life.”  And I spent the next 16 months going through the motions of a case worker.

In that time, I fully released control and let God lead and then things began to change in the most unexpected way.  My hardened, jaded heart began to soften.  In September 2014, I was taking a little girl back to her foster home after a visit with her birth parents.  As I was driving, a desire appeared in my heart and sat like a ton of bricks.  The most random thing at the most random time…I wanted to foster! I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me and sat dumbfounded wondering why I felt this way.  My husband Joe and I had talked about fostering over the years, but the conversations were never very serious. With this new true desire to foster, Joe and I agreed to start praying for God to lead us in the right direction.  And the dominoes began to fall.

First, a job opportunity with Lutheran Family and Children’s Services surfaced – even though I had not been looking.  Then, we decided we wanted to begin the foster care classes, and we were able begin almost immediately and were licensed in less than six months.  A few weeks after we were licensed, our licensing worker completed one of our home visits.  While visiting, she told us about three little boys who were available for adoption. We immediately declined as our plan was for one child, maybe two, who we assumed would be school age, preteen, or a teen.

A few weeks following our home visit, LFCS set up a photo shoot for foster children as a fundraiser for the agency.  Since I knew the sibling group of three boys needed some recruitment, I invited their foster family to the event so the boys would have a professional recruitment picture.  The family walked through the door, and as I watched and briefly interacted with the boys, my heart fluttered and my mind started running in circles with thoughts that I didn’t make sense.

I called Joe immediately afterwards to tell him about the boys, and we decided to move forward.  Joe recalls my exact words being, “I found our kids!”  I asked our licensing worker if she thought we were crazy for considering this.  I felt crazy.  None of it made any sense.  I’m a germ-a-phobe who hates needles and hospitals.  How can three little boys, one who has medical issues, be a good fit??

Well, the rest is history, and we have been incredibly blessed with three spunky, energetic, sweet, amazing sons. I often don’t feel like we deserve them, and I’m still in complete awe of how things worked out.  There’s definitely something to be said about giving everything to God.  My life completely changed when I stopped fighting and gave that control to the One who knows it all.  With God in control, I know we can’t go wrong.

Who else could have turned this heart of mine??

The post From Caseworker to Mother of 3 first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.

Openness comes in all shapes and sizes; what adoption professionals refer to as “levels.” Some adoptions are confidential and no identifying information between the birth parents and adoptive parents is shared. Some adoptions are mediated, meaning that non-identifying information is typically shared through a third party (i.e. adoption agency or professional). Others are fully open or disclosed, meaning all parties involved have shared their identifying information, but there are boundaries around the relationship. There are many factors to consider when thinking about what level of openness is right for your family when adopting.

But why is openness important?

Openness honors the child’s beginning and past. A child’s life does not begin the day he or she is adopted. The adoptee has a past, even if placed with an adoptive family at birth. The child has the opportunity to know their connection to their birth family and their adoption story from the start. With openness, they gain the understanding of why the choice to place was made rather than fantasize about what circumstances led to adoption. Openness allows for truthfulness. If adoption is kept a secret or not discussed openly, the child may develop low self-esteem, believing that their birth family is not worthy of knowing or does not love them. Openness allows the child to feel the love from their birth family and adoptive family. What is wrong with a child being loved by more people?

Openness has other benefits, including:

• Access to medical or mental health information that, over time, may be significant.
• The potential to maintain sibling relationships that may provide the adoptee the opportunity to see shared traits, interests and temperament. As a child grows and develops his sense of identity in adolescents, the connection to birth siblings is significant.
• Bonding and attachment between adoptee and adoptive parents. Openness builds trust, both emotionally and physically.

Openness is beneficial for birth and adoptive parents too. Birth mothers who have ongoing contact with their child report greater peace of mind and less grief, worry and regret. Many adoptive families who have open adoptions report having positive experiences and are more satisfied with the adoption process. Openness helps reduce adoptive parents fears and increases their empathy toward birth parents. It is important to acknowledge that openness is not the easy option. It takes work and is not always convenient for the adults. Openness does not erase the grief and loss that is inherent in adoption for all members of the adoption kinship network, but ultimately It promotes healthy self-esteem, reduced anxiety, and open communication among families.

The post Openness: Adoption Today first appeared on Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.